Some evenings, bedtime just feels heavy, doesn’t it? Everyone’s tired, patience is thin, and you’re counting the minutes till silence.
The good news?
A calm, easy bedtime routine is possible – and it doesn’t need to be perfect to work.
Between school runs, teething, work, and the million tiny tasks that fill a day, those final hours can feel like chaos. You’re trying to get the kids fed, washed, and into bed – and somehow also be calm, patient, and gentle through it all.
It might not feel like it now, but bedtime can become calm again.
When routines are built around connection rather than control, everything changes. Your baby learns to wind down, your toddler feels safe, and you finally get to end the day without raised voices or tears (from anyone).
Let’s walk through how to build a bedtime routine that feels calm, realistic, and works for your family.
Why Bedtime Feels So Hard (And Why You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong)
You can have the best intentions – and still end up with a baby who won’t settle and a cold cup of tea on the counter.
By the time evening comes, everyone’s tired – physically and emotionally. Your baby’s overtired, your toddler wants one more story, and you’re just trying to get through the next hour without losing patience.
When children are overtired, their bodies actually release stress hormones like cortisol, which make it harder for them to settle. That’s why you often see that “second wind” right when you think they’re finally ready to sleep.
What looks like “acting up” is often just tiredness or overstimulation showing up in small bodies that can’t express it yet. Their little bodies are simply overwhelmed, and they need your calm to help them find theirs.
Bedtime battles aren’t a reflection of your parenting – they’re about full days, tired bodies, and busy little minds. And that’s something we can gently turn around.
What a Good Bedtime Routine Actually Looks Like
A good bedtime routine isn’t fancy or complicated. It’s simply a predictable pattern that tells your baby, “sleep is coming".
For most families, 30–45 minutes is the sweet spot from start to finish.
Here’s a basic rhythm that works beautifully:
- Quiet playtime – something calming like puzzles, books, or gentle music.
- Bath (optional) – lovely if it helps your baby unwind, but not essential every night.
- PJs, nappy change, feed or milk – keep lighting low and voices soft.
- Storytime and cuddles – build in a few minutes of connection.
- Lights out – same words, same tone, same time each night where possible.
Consistency is what matters most. Doing the same steps in the same order helps your baby’s body learn what to expect, which lowers stress and supports natural melatonin release.
And if your evenings sometimes go off-script (because life happens), that’s okay too. What matters is the feeling your routine creates – calm, safe, predictable – not perfection.
The Secret Ingredient Most Families Miss
If there’s one piece of advice I could give every tired parent, it’s this: connection before correction.
When toddlers resist bedtime, it’s rarely because they want to give you a hard time – it’s because they’re having a hard time. They’ve spent the whole day following instructions, being told what to do, and holding in big emotions. By evening, it all comes spilling out.
Building in connection – even for two minutes – can transform bedtime.
Try:
- A “special moment” where your toddler picks one bedtime song or shares their favourite part of the day.
- A few deep breaths together, holding hands and whispering “let’s calm our bodies".
- Saying “I love spending this quiet time with you” before you turn out the light.
It’s these tiny rituals that signal safety. And when a child feels safe, sleep naturally follows.
How to Adjust Routines for Different Ages
Every age and stage looks a little different, but the principles stay the same – calm, consistent, connected.
Babies under 6 months
Focus on simple, gentle cues rather than fixed times. Think: dim lights, soft voices, same song before bed. The goal is predictability, not a strict schedule.
6–18 months
Introduce a more defined routine – bath, feed, cuddle, story, sleep. Try to start at a similar time each night. Babies at this stage thrive on order and familiarity.
Toddlers (18 months – 4 years)
Involve them! Let them choose pyjamas, carry their teddy, or pick one story. Involvement reduces resistance and gives them a sense of control. Keep boundaries firm but kind: “One more story, and then it’s time for sleep".
No matter the age, your voice, your presence, and your calm are what truly help them wind down.
Common Bedtime Mistakes (and Easy Fixes)
Even with good intentions, a few small tweaks can make bedtime smoother:
- Too late bedtime: The biggest culprit for tears. Try moving bedtime 15–30 minutes earlier.
- Bright lights or screens too close to bedtime: These suppress melatonin. Dim lights and avoid screens for at least an hour before bed.
- Inconsistent cues: Keep the same song, story, or phrase each night to reinforce predictability.
- Feeding or rocking to full sleep: If your baby needs your help to fall asleep every time, they’ll struggle to resettle on their own. Gradually shift to putting them down ready for sleep but awake.
- Parent tension: Babies and toddlers pick up on your energy. If you’re stressed, take a few slow breaths before starting the routine.
It’s not about doing everything “right". It’s about creating an atmosphere where everyone can exhale.
When Bedtime Still Feels Like a Battle
If you’ve tried it all – adjusted bedtime, built a calm routine, dimmed the lights – and bedtime still ends in tears or hours of resettling, it might be time for a bit more support.
Sometimes, the issue isn’t the bedtime routine itself, but what’s happening around it: nap timings, sleep associations, or developmental changes.
This is where working with a sleep consultant can take the guesswork out of everything.
Through my Sleep Harmony Programme, we look at the full picture – naps, environment, routines, feeding, and family rhythms – and create a plan that actually fits your life. There’s no one-size-fits-all, and certainly no judgment. Just gentle, evidence-based support that works.
You don’t have to spend another evening dreading bedtime. A calm, predictable routine is absolutely possible – and it can start this week.
A Little Reminder Before You Go to Bed Tonight…
You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.
Some nights will go smoothly, others won’t – that’s parenthood. But with patience, consistency, and connection, you’ll start to feel that shift: calmer evenings, quicker settling, and a little more peace for everyone.
So tonight, take one deep breath before you start the bedtime routine.
Light a soft lamp, slow your pace, and remind yourself – this is the part of the day where you get to reconnect, not just get it done.
Because bedtime isn’t just about sleep. It’s about love, rhythm, and rest – for them, and for you.
Ready for calm evenings? Learn more about my Sleep Harmony Programme. 3 weeks of dedicated time with an expert Sleep Consultant to bring you closer to your family sleep goals.
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